For a little while now I have been sitting on a bit of news that I have been waiting to share with you all. After much shock, a lot of emotions, about 10 tests, and my first scan, I can confidently say that…
Yup, you read that right.
I have a little bun in the oven, as they say.
To say I am shocked would be an understatement. To say that I am overjoyed
would be another understatement. Starting a family of my own without
having to look into other alternative ways was a very very distant dream.
It wasn’t something that seemed to be in the cards for me, I had(have)
too many undiagnosed issues on top of the terrible treatment of my body through my eating disorder…conceiving and being able to carry a little growing human didn’t seem possible, it didn’t seem like something my body could handle. But against all odds and thoughts, 9 years and 3
cats later and I’m hit with the biggest surprise of our life.
Obviously, once it was digested and processed and I had told my partner close family was then slowly informed. Honestly, a part of me wanted to wait, to wait until after the first or second scan or maybe wait until I was in my second trimester however, I was so full of stress and worry over my body rejecting this pregnancy that I just needed to tell someone. My go-to people are and have always been my siblings and mam.
It was late the night I took a pregnancy test and I wasn’t at all around
my partner (he was at work), luckily I also wasn’t alone either though as I was in my mams that night and one of my sisters were awake and walking downstairs a few minutes after I had sent a message to my partner telling him after finding out.
My poor sister was in utter shock because I didn’t know how to process
my first ever positive pregnancy test so I just threw it at her in silence
(shes an amazing catch for someone with poor eyes sight haha) but she trooped it out, caught it, looked at me in shock, and then proceeded to allow me to voice all my thoughts. Honestly, a lot can be said about my family (we’re weird, crazy, talented in some departments, loud, quiet, strange….the list could go on I’m sure), and we all have a lot of mental health issues we are all trying to battle out but the truest thing to be said about my family is how loyal, how caring and supportive we all are of one another.
So far pregnancy has been well and truly, hitting me hard. I’ve been hit really bad with “Morning” sickness, It’s not been pleasant. I’m still struggling with my eating disorder which comes with its own challenges and even more thoughts that fill my head. Am I eating enough? Is my body strong enough to carry this pregnancy through? Am I giving my baby everything he/she needs? Am I doing enough to see this pregnancy through healthy? Those of which are just the tip of the iceberg of thoughts that barge through my mind on a daily basis.
But despite the bad, despite my own fears, the baby is doing amazing and I’m really excited to go through this new journey of motherhood.
For so many reasons I thought this day would never come and although I would have perhaps waited a little longer… If I had the choice, I’d have things go exactly the same way. I wouldn’t change a thing.
This baby doesn’t know it yet, but he/she is already So loved and adored by many. She/he is already bringing a little light into people’s lives, it certainly has in mine.
I went for my very first scan on 2nd March and I can’t even describe to you what it felt like when I saw that little baby pop up on the monitor or how relieved I was when they told me there was only one in there! I had a little cry to myself in the car while looking at the scan photos. I just felt this huge wave of relief while me and partner sat there watching our little baby kick her/his legs out and show herself/himself off a little (although he/she was being stubborn and refusing to move from her/his spot so we couldn’t get any face shots, all side shots while she/he floated upside down in the lower part of my belly).
I can’t wait for this “morning” sickness to fade, for the exhaustion to ease up so I can get to enjoy more of the experience of being pregnant because I won’t lie, so far it just feels as though I’m walking around with a constant cold of some kind between the “morning” sickness and constantly feeling drained.
I still almost can’t believe it, I find myself constantly staring at my scan photos. I can’t wait to find out the gender and more so I just can’t wait to have this little baby out into the world and into my arms.
Motherhood is my new journey, I’m scared, I’m excited and I’m so ready. More so than I thought I would ever be. And thankful to have my soul mate right there alongside me through it all.
It’s going to be crazy & amazing going from just me and him (and our cats) to having this tiny little human to care for and look after.